- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife
- I can`t come tonight, my tires got dizzy…
- I invented the cordless extension cord
- I`m moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes…
- The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
- I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own
- I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup
- I must confess, I was born at a very early age
- Marry me and I`ll never look at another horse!
- I don`t like to repeat things, so listen carefully the first six times
- We`d better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms
- They speak of my drinking but they never consider my thirst
- It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man
- Ass, Grass, or Gas: everybody`s gotta pay
- Never do anything that you wouldn`t want to explain to the paramedics
- Stupid statistics cost american companies 30 zillion dollars each year
- Moblie phones are the only subject on which men boast about who`s got the smallest
- I never appoligize! I`m sorry, that`s just not the way I am
- Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass
- She got her good looks from her father. He`s a plastic surgeon
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