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- After working here, I now realize that “Dilbert” is not a comic strip. It`s a documentary
- Be a Minimalist. It`s the least you can do
- If you dont like my driving, then stay off the sidewalk
- Time flies like the wind; fruit flies like bananas
- Oh man this is crazy, I hope I didn`t brain my damage
- Only in America do they buy a double cheese burger, large fries and a DIET COKE
- Earth first. We`ll screw up the other planets later
- The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
- I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says mooooo
- Everyone likes a little ass, but no one likes a smart ass
- Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls
- Impotence: Nature`s way of saying “no hard feelings”
- Beer: helping ugly people get laid since 1823
- What do they call Bush his zipper? The “U.S. Open
- The height of laziness is a man is shitting on the beach and waiting for the tide
- When it comes to baldness, it`s not about losing more hair, it`s about getting more head
- Next time wave all your fingers at me!
- Passwords are like underwear: change them often
- We don`t have a town drunk. We all share the responsibilty
- We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture
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